


Levi's Party

by C_123_4



Series: Eruri Short Stories [4]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, M/M, Marijuana, Pining Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Sad, grown ass adults who dont understand feelings, idk what tagging is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-21
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:35:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25417807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/C_123_4/pseuds/C_123_4
Summary: Levi reminisces at his party.
Relationships: Levi/Erwin Smith, Marie/Erwin Smith
Series: Eruri Short Stories [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/727785
Comments: 3
Kudos: 33





	1. i

**Author's Note:**

> hi yes hello i have not written in a while and i also haven't edited this because i never do that so if there are mistakes i apologize. i also apologize if it's boring, i tried my best but i'm still kinda getting back into the groove of writing again. also, this fic is based off the song Tommy's Party by Peach Pit which i suggest you listen to because it's good.

The night started out only slightly mediocre. He had set up everything beforehand, and the guests had started rolling in at around 9:00. The front door was constantly opening and closing like the front door to a hotel, people coming in and either staying for thirty minutes or three hours. With each opening of the door, he got a clap on the back or a handshake and another beer shoved in his hand, a quick "congrats on 21!" or something similar yelled in his ear over the loud music.

Yes, 21 years old, what an accomplishment. The only things he really had to show for it was his culinary arts certificate from the community college down the street and the cracker box apartment he was currently squeezed into with more people than he should've invited. Oh well. The more the merrier.

The front door opens again and the air inside the apartment gets slightly more suffocating as yet another person takes up space. He feels like a sardine packed in tight, barely enough room to even wiggle his way through. More people manage to push and shove their way to him, and he doesn't even realize how late it's getting. He wonders where his roommate is.

They'd made an agreement a few days prior that the apartment would be used as today's venue and he'd woken up this morning to discover his roommate absent, so he set the apartment up by himself. They'd set the date a few weeks in advance so as to not collide with the upcoming holiday season, but he's just glad that most everyone he'd invited had managed to stop by for at least a little while.

He's been pawning his beer off on Isabel this entire time and he should stop because she must be nearing ten by now, so the next time a drink gets placed in his hands he actually drinks it, vowing that it might help him loosen up a little, might even get him to dance in the living room where he'd pushed the couch close against the wall to make the space a little bigger, tv snuck away in his room closet so no theft could take place. About four beers in he really starts to feel something: limbs buzzing, head spinning, and he can't seem to shut up. He must sound like a broken record, forever on repeat until someone finally takes the needle off and stops shoving drinks in his hands.

He has no idea what time it is when a hand clasps the back of his neck, warm and inviting, and he spins around to see who's touched him.

"Hey!" It's slurred into his ear, a voice he recognizes, and a smile breaks across his face.

"Erwin?" He says as he spins, but the tuft of blonde hair is already walking away, shoving through the crowd, beer sloshing out of his cup, and _fuck he's gonna have a lot to clean up tomorrow._

He follows the blonde hair with his eyes for as long as he can, and just when it all seems lost and his vision loses focus, the crowd parts almost perfectly in the middle, and he sees his roommate again.

Only, it's not happiness that he feels upon finding him. At first, it's confusion, because his roommate has sidled up to a woman who is absolutely stunning: gorgeous chocolate brown hair cascading over her shoulders in two French braids, her eyes a shade darker than her hair and her skin smooth like a porcelain doll. She has curves in all the right places and small little freckles line her face from cheek to cheek as well as an intense blush which he can guess is from alcohol. She looks just as sloshed as his roommate does. Then it's curiosity because his roommate leans down and whispers something in her ear and she laughs; he can hear it, and it's a perfect sing-song. Nothing like his, where he sounds like he's choking because he doesn't want anyone to know that he actually found their joke funny. Lastly, it's sadness, because she turns her head with a wide, pretty smile, white teeth on display, and Erwin meets her in the middle with a smile that is equally gorgeous, two pairs of soft lips colliding in a gentle smack.


	2. ii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes i am immediately posting the next chapter because i can't wait.

"We skipping today?"

"Huh?"

"We skipping today?" The question is repeated, and Levi looks up from his computer to lock eyes with Erwin who is directly beside him.

"Why?" Levi replies, one of his slim eyebrows raised.

"Senior skip day." Erwin states like it's the most obvious thing. That's right. It is senior skip day, a day when all the grade twelves skip their afternoon classes in favor of going out to party in the daytime. A preferred spot is just out of town, complete with a bridge for jumping and a riverbank just big enough to sit at.

"I thought you just went on a big rant last week about how we're too grown-up for shit like that." Levi points out, turning back to his computer screen to continue typing his English essay. It's due in a week, but he wants to get it done quickly so he can focus on studying for his maths exam.

"I did...but I also don't want to go to biology so..."

Levi scoffs. "Fine. But I'm blaming you if I miss anything important in psych."

So, that afternoon, instead of going to their classes, they hop in Erwin's car and take off, backpacks ready to go and filled with extra work that they probably won't do.

They stop at their respective houses quickly to gather bathing suits and towels, getting in and out as fast as possible to avoid being caught by a parent coming home out of the blue.

Within thirty minutes they're on their way out of town, Levi with his phone hooked up to the radio to blast his music at a volume that's probably illegal.

"You missed the turn." Levi says, his hand shooting out to turn the music down so he can somewhat hear Erwin's reply.

"I know."

"Then where the fuck are we going?"

"You'll see." Erwin says cryptically, a smirk forming on his lips as Levi rolls his eyes.

About twenty minutes later Erwin turns down a gravel road and parks near a trail that looks abandoned. Levi almost thinks it's not a trail at all, but Erwin hops out and hefts his backpack over his shoulders, trekking into the bush and pushing shrubs and branches away as he goes.

Finally, after about ten minutes of hiking, Erwin pushes the bushes aside one last time to reveal a clearing, a sizeable rock face to the left with an easily climbable incline. A small pond is laid before the rocks, with a small bed of sand that Erwin now deposits his stuff on, laying down a towel while Levi stays standing at the opening of the clearing, taking it all in.

"You gonna swim or not?" Erwin pesters, grabbing his swim trunks out of his bag as Levi turns around to give him some privacy.

"Is it even deep enough?" Levi questions in reply because he really doubts it would be safe and he'd rather not break a bone today.

"Yeah. Mike took me here a little while ago and it's probably a good ten feet." Erwin reassures, putting his clothes on the ground and turning to hike up the small incline to the top of the rocks.

"Well ok, but if I break my neck your paying for my medical bill."

"Nah," Erwin starts, "but I'll pay for your funeral!"

The next thing Levi hears is a loud splash, and he rolls his eyes as he steps into his swimsuit.

They spend a good two or three hours jumping off the rock and paddling around, splashing each other aggressively to the point where they have to stop because Erwin ends up throwing a leech in retaliation, and Levi decides that he's not risking the chance of getting a leech stuck to him because he'd rather drop dead than let that happen.

So they paddle to the shore and dry off, laying side by side on their towels and basking in the warm sunlight that dries the rest of their bodies off.

Levi lays on his back, his eyes closed, listening to the sounds of the birds chirping and the leaves rustling on the trees, the sound of the water moving and Erwin breathing steadily beside him, and thinks that today has been a good day.

When he opens his eyes and looks to the side he sees Erwin on his stomach, a book spread out in front of him, and Levi can see his lips moving with each word he reads, his eyes tracking the words at a breakneck speed to catch what happens next, a small crease between his eyebrows that changes every few seconds with the tension of the words he reads, his golden blonde hair in disarray from their splashing war turning lighter in the sun as it dries, his bare shoulders lined with small freckles that remind Levi of stars, and Levi thinks about how absolutely perfect Erwin is.

His chest clenches with an emotion he can't place, and Levi thinks it almost feels like longing, like he's missing something but doesn't know quite what it might be, or that he's just realized that he's missing something he's always wanted but never knew he _needed_.

Before he can stop it, he feels his cheeks heat up and he's unsure of whether it's the sun or his emotions that are causing it, but his hand is shooting out either way to gently card through Erwin's golden blonde hair that feels thick and silky under his fingers despite it being wet with dirty pond water, and his feeling of longing grows stronger.

Erwin spends a few seconds more tracking the page with his eyes before he turns to Levi with a questioning look and quirk to his lips that speaks of knowing, of knowing exactly what Levi is feeling, thinking, and he waits for an explanation.

Levi is too embarrassed to voice what he wants to say, too embarrassed to blurt out "you're perfect" or "you're killing me" so instead, with every bit of bravery he can muster and the heat of his cheeks intensifying, he leans forward and presses a kiss to Erwin's cheek.

Erwin looks shocked at first, searching Levi's face for some indication of a reason why, before he smiles, his perfect white teeth on display, and a pair of soft lips and chapped lips collide with a gentle smack.


	3. iii

Well, he can officially say that this night is now less than mediocre. It sucks.

He puts the needle back on the broken record that is his mind and wanders over to the beer pong set up on the tiny kitchen table, playing a round before he decides to take some shots, and about 30 minutes later he can really say he's drunk.

His cheeks are flushed and his voice is loud and he tries his best to forget about what he saw, but every few minutes his stomach will sink and the vision will cloud his mind, making him stop whatever he's doing to focus on the terrible feeling in his gut, how it cramps and makes him sick.

He blows out a single candle on the cupcake that counts as his birthday cake, and everyone sings happy birthday in one of the most off tune, slurred renditions he's ever heard but he still laughs until his stomach hurts for a different reason and Isabel, almost too drunk to stand, licks the icing off his cheek when Farlan tries to smash the entire thing in his face.

Eventually though, when everyone else is occupied, he slips away to his room, checking to make sure no one is around before he reaches his hand under his bed and pulls out a shoebox, a joint in his hand as he slinks away to the adjoining bathroom and locks the door.

He knows he'll get in shit later for smoking in the apartment, but he's feeling so much self-pity that he can't seem to bring himself to care. He still opens the window above the sink to the best of his ability and almost breaks his neck teetering on the toilet seat trying to force the window open because of course it's tiny and high up toward the ceiling and he was graced with shitty genes that made him short so he has to balance on his tippy toes. He wonders if Erwin would pay his medical bills if he fell.

He lights the joint and sits back in the tub, cringing as his back touches the porcelain because he can't remember the last time he cleaned it and it's probably riddled with germs. He'll have to wash the curtains after this too because the smell is gonna stick but he figures he can think about that later when he's not drunk and high and full of self-loathing.

Honestly, he thinks, why can't he be better? He wishes for all these things and yet doesn't make any move to really go after them if he had just told Erwin-

A knock comes on the door.

"There's another bathroom in the hallway, jackass!" He yells, and a few seconds later, after he hears the doorknob jiggle, footsteps retreat away from the door and out of earshot, and he sighs before deciding that he needs some fresh air, so he slips out of the bathroom and out of the front door before anyone notices.


	4. iv

"This is lame."

"Really?" It's said with a laugh like Erwin can't quite believe what he's hearing.

"Yeah." Levi deadpans.

He was expecting something better when Erwin had said there was a party going on tonight. He was expecting to have fun, get drunk, and wake up tomorrow with no recollection of anything. Instead, because apparently the host of the party is rich, the room is filled with Ivy League mama's boys flaunting daddy's money in their boating shoes and polo shirts. It's disgusting, Levi thinks.

"And why do you say that?" Erwin asks, one eyebrow raised as he sips his beer.

"Because these people don't even know how to get drunk. I saw a girl drink one beer and now suddenly she's plastered. Like, that's not how it works, Jessica."

Erwin almost spits out his beer as he starts to laugh and Levi can see a blush forming on his friend's face. It makes him wonder how many Erwin's had because he hasn't been counting. Levi himself doesn't feel much, but seeing Erwin happy is making the feeling rub off on him and he starts feeling giddy as well.

"And then Chad is off over there flexing his muscles for Jessica and waiting for Party Rock Anthem to start playing so he can show everyone his shuffle."

Erwin's wheezing at this point, and his hand clasps Levi's shoulder to support himself with his other hand over his stomach because he's laughing so hard it hurts.

"So what do you want to do?" Erwin asks after finally recovering, his eyes bright with mischief that Levi knows Erwin wants to put to use.

"I say we ditch."

"Ok," Erwin's starts, "what's the game plan?"

"Well," Levi says, leaning closer to Erwin so he can whisper, the heat of Erwin's body making him shiver, "I may or may not have a joint in my pocket right now that I know you're dying to smoke-"

"Correct." Erwin interrupts.

"But, if you can distract Chad then I can probably shove a few beers into my hoodie."

"And then?"

"We run."

Sure enough, not two minutes later, Erwin is sidling up to Chad - Levi has no way of knowing if that's actually the guys name, it was just an educated guess - and Levi has a hard time keeping his laughter at bay as he slinks up to the table filled with booze, frowning at how much is probably not going to be drank. Chad laughs at something Erwin must have said, and before Levi can process it, Erwin is being led to the center of the room while Chad starts chanting "funnel, funnel, funnel!"

Their eyes meet and Erwin mouths "help me" but Levi is too caught up in hacking up a lung from laughing so hard to notice. He briefly considers taking the booze - which really no one would stop him or care - and running but he figures that's too cruel.

Two guys come out carrying a funnel with a giant tube that they hand Erwin and Levi realizes belatedly that nearly everyone at the party has gathered around to watch Erwin drink. Chad walks up to the booze table and grabs a few beers which then get tossed up to a guy standing on a step stool with the funnel and Erwin gets on his knees with the tube ready at his mouth.

Levi is wheezing at this point as Erwin starts chugging, the beer flowing down the tube to his mouth in a continuous stream and just when Levi thinks Erwin might be finished, another can is cracked open and poured in.

Finally, after three beers, Erwin rips his mouth away from the tube, throwing his hands up triumphantly as everyone in the room starts cheering and Levi joins in to. It takes Erwin another five minutes before he's able to break away from the crowd and Levi takes the beers, stuffs them in his hoodie, and runs to the door, Erwin following closely behind.

They keep running down the street for maybe another block before finally stopping, both of them completely out of breath from laughing and running simultaneously.

"I can't believe you did that!" Levi says in between his laughter, hands braced on his knees.

Erwin falls to the ground wheezing until he's lying on his back and he lets out a loud burp that Levi is concerned might turn into puke. "I can't either."

Levi knows that Erwin is going to be fucked up about twenty minutes from now because of the booze he just chugged but he still throws one of the stolen cans at him and opens one up for himself, quickly chugging it before throwing it in a public recycling bin. Erwin is still on the ground catching his breath but he too eventually stands up and opens his beer, the liquid almost overflowing because of how shaken it got when Levi ran.

Levi pulls the joint from his pocket and lights it, taking a drag, and then helps Erwin off the ground, goofy smiles on both their faces as they remember what just happened.

He trades off with Erwin as they start walking, lets Erwin take a few hits while he sips at their shared beer and he's grateful that it's a rather quiet night because if they're found with either of these things he's sure they'll get fined, or worse.

"Where we going?" Erwin asks after a while of them walking with no destination in mind.

Levi shrugs as he takes the last drag of his joint and he stops for a second to snuff it out with his shoe. "Dunno."

"Home?" Erwin asks. He's much more mellowed out then he had been a few minutes ago and Levi knows that it's the weed.

His belly flips with a feeling he can't describe and it kind of feels like nervousness but Levi's not sure why. Maybe it's the word home on Erwin's lips that gets him going, the thought of being home with Erwin. Or maybe it's the fact that Erwin is home, is his safe place to go after every night out, the sanctuary he seeks when he's lost and doesn't know where else to turn. His landmark, his one constant in a life filled with inconsistency.

And it's the fluttering in his belly that makes him nod and say, wholeheartedly, "Home."  
-


	5. v

Levi's hand touches the metal of the doorknob, his face screwing up when he realizes it's locked. There's no sound coming from the apartment and he's amazed to find no one around when he finally gets the door open after fumbling with his keys. He'd missed the rest of his own birthday party, he realizes, but the thought doesn't upset him as much as it probably should.

It's completely dark in the apartment now, and he finally takes in the mess. Red solo cups are littered around haphazardly and the only light is coming from the windows in the kitchen, making it eerily dark. There are stains on the floor from spilled drinks and Levi wonders which one is Erwin's; the beer pong still set up on the table with half-filled cups left abandoned. There are a few jackets he can see that have been forgotten and he'll have to track down their owners later. He's surprised to find no one sleeping on the couch or any other surface in the room and he hopes that everyone got home safely.

He pats his pockets and only now realizes that he never took his phone with him and has no idea what time it is, but it's either too late for him to be awake or too early for him to be up.

As he takes a few more steps into the apartment, he trips, hands thrown in front of him to balance himself out. He looks down and finds what he tripped on.

Shoes. Women's shoes. They're Converse by the looks of it, classic red with barely any dirt. They look almost new, except for the scuff of dirt on one of the laces. It hits Levi all too soon whose shoes they are.

The woman Erwin was with tonight. The woman he laughed with. The woman he kissed.

Levi's stomach cramps and he covers his mouth with the sudden urge to be sick, to throw the shoes out and never see them again. The twisted image of Erwin and this mystery woman floods his mind, and he imagines them taking their shoes off, Erwin softly whispering about how he'd never done this before, never brought someone home, and she would laugh as she did at the party, a perfect sing-song, and tell him that it was okay, and they would laugh all the way to Erwin's room where they would-

An acrid taste fills his mouth, and he does run off to his room before he actually pukes.


	6. vi

The doorknob jiggles before two men stumble through it, broad smiles on their faces and laughter on their breath.

Levi trips as he comes in and Erwin catches his wrist before he can really fall, their laughter intensifying. They still can't get over their shenanigans at the party, and Levi tries to hold back his joy at the memory of Erwin chugging the beer through the funnel.

He starts toeing his shoes off before he realizes that Erwin still hasn't let go of his wrist, and he looks back at him to see that he's staring at where he's holding Levi, eyes unfocused.

"Erwin?" Levi questions, wondering why Erwin had such a sudden change in mood.

Erwin doesn't respond, only pulls Levi's hand toward his face, and nuzzles his palm until Levi cups his cheek. He's knees almost buckle, and he knows that Erwin is an affectionate person in general and it becomes even more apparent after he's had a few drinks, but this feels different. This feels like Erwin knows exactly what will push his buttons like Erwin knows how to make him crack with unrestrained emotions, and perhaps he does, but Levi doesn't want to think about what would happen if Erwin knew the full extent of his feelings.

Still, that doesn't stop Levi from stepping forward, again almost tripping on the scattered shoes, and kissing Erwin, all gentle and light until Erwin's brain seems to kick back on again and the kiss gets deeper, desperate, passionate beyond control.

They haven't done this in a while and it's usually not something they discuss often when it happens, but Levi immediately feels the desire in his belly and he can't wait for what's to come.

Levi gasps as his back hits the wall, one of Erwin's hands cupping his head to direct him in the kiss, deepening it or making him pull away so they can breathe.

"You're an idiot," Levi states, lips grazing Erwin's but not kissing.

"I know." Erwin agrees, so close that their breath is mingling, and Levi's stomach flips with the thought that they're so close they're breathing the same air.

They both know what they're doing, but neither wants to stop. Even if they don't talk about what they do together after it's done there's still a noticeable shift between them after every time. Levi's never been able to tell if it's a good or bad thing that they do this, but he does still think he's Erwin's best friend, so it can't hurt their relationship too much. It just complicates things for a while, because Levi can never tell what Erwin's thoughts are on the subject.

But even if he has his doubts, he still follows Erwin through the hallway to his room, still lets Erwin undress him and press kisses across his skin, still lets Erwin open him up with gentle fingers, still groans when Erwin pushes in slowly, and he still lets himself become overstimulated waiting for Erwin to finish after he's already had his orgasm.

When he wakes up in Erwin's bed afterward, he doesn't let himself overthink the things they just did together.


	7. vii

Later in the day, after a shower to rid himself of last night's activities and some light cleaning of the apartment, he goes to his room and reaches under his bed for a shoebox, quickly taking out a joint and then digging around in his hoodie for his lighter. He finds it and then leaves the apartment, heading up the stairs to the top floor before going even higher, finally sneaking his way into the roof.

He's pretty sure he's not supposed to be up here but he and Erwin sneak up here all the time and no one has ever caught them, so he's pretty sure it's fine.

He goes to the roof a lot, mostly to think, sometimes to relax. Erwin knows that it's his spot, but that doesn't stop him from following him up and sitting with him quietly until they either start talking or leave.

It's the same this time because after a few minutes of sitting and smoking he hears footsteps approaching, and Erwin sits down beside him. He hands Erwin the joint without Erwin having to ask, and he leans back on his hands while looking out at the cityscape before him, skyscrapers off in the distance making an imposing figure.

"I still can't believe I chugged all that booze," Erwin says while he blows out smoke, and Levi huffs.

"That was a lot of booze."

They grow silent again, and Levi can feel the unease rolling off of him. It makes his stomach hurt, makes the weed he just smoked give him a headache, and he didn't come up here to feel bad.

"Can I ask you something?" He says, and his lingering headache becomes more prominent because he doesn't know what he's saying, he doesn't want to tell Erwin anything, but he's so tired of pretending that it's nothing and that he's okay with what they have right now. He's been best friends with Erwin since high school, and he still feels that they're as close as they can get. Fuck, they've _slept with each other,_ which is more than what most people do with their friends. So, Levi would be lying if he said he never wondered if there was anything more - if he was satisfied with what they had now - because every time they do this it gets more complicated and Levi can't tell where they should draw the line, or if they should draw one at all.

Erwin however, says something at the same time. "I'm sorry about yesterday."

Levi pauses and Erwin does too, both not knowing who should speak first.

"What?" Levi asks because he needs a moment to settle the butterflies in his stomach before he asks Erwin what he really wants to know.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. I don't know what came over me."

Levi pauses. The butterflies in his stomach have all died now, floating to the bottom and making a heavy, unpleasant feeling settle.

"You don't need to apologize." He mutters, taking the last drag of the joint that Erwin handed back to him.

They sit in silence for a while and Levi briefly thinks about asking his question now, but Erwin opens his mouth and he lets him talk.

"...I don't even know if I'm gay."

Levi studies Erwin's face as Erwin plays with a loose thread on his jeans, can see the conflict on his face and hates it, and he decides to not say a word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter will be up tomorrow :)


	8. viii

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter yall

When he wakes up in the morning, he feels terrible. His head is fuzzy with a headache, his mouth tastes stale from the alcohol and he doesn't want to open his eyes because he knows that the headache will just get worse.

He carries himself to his bathroom and takes some pills to get rid of his headache, brushing his teeth before the acrid taste of stale booze makes him puke. His stomach is burning unpleasantly and nausea churns around, forcing him to wait in the bathroom for a few extra minutes in case he needs to puke.

After his nausea settles he decides he should put some food in his body, even though he's still afraid it might come back up later.

Just walking into the living room is almost enough to give him a heart attack with how much trash is lying around, but the real reason his heart begins to race is that someone is standing in the kitchen and it's not Erwin.

It's the woman from last night. She's wearing one of Erwin's shirts: a forest green t-shirt he'd gotten at a thrift store that has been worn so many times that the collar is stretched and malformed and Erwin only ever uses it to sleep in now. Does she know that?

The bottom hem of the shirt comes down to the tops of her thighs and Levi can see the freckles that cover them, her tanned skin marked with blemishes that only make them more beautiful, the lack of hair putting them front and center, and Levi wonders if she does it for Erwin's sake. To impress him, maybe? To get his attention?

Either way, when she finally notices him standing there and goes to introduce herself, Levi pays her no mind and instead slips on his shoes and heads up the stairs to the roof.

He chooses a corner off to the left to sit in and he nudges himself up against the lip of the edge and rests his body there, his body facing the horizon in front of him as the city goes about its lunch break, people on their nine to fives hustling out of restaurants because they were too lazy to cook the night before and have to cram food into their schedule now in a measly hour.

He gets lost in it and his thoughts swirl, so he doesn't entirely notice the footsteps coming up behind him until Erwin is sitting beside him, his back leaning against the edge and facing the opposite direction of Levi.

"Hey." Erwin starts off, still wearing his pajamas but looking like he's been awake for a few hours.

Levi chooses not to respond.

"You okay? You kinda disappeared last night." Erwin asks, and Levi's honestly surprised he even noticed.

"Yeah, just...got kinda burnt out. Too many people."

"Ah, yeah. I get it." Erwin soothes, but Levi knows it's a complete lie because Erwin is the pure definition of an extrovert and would never give up an opportunity to be around so many of his friends when he's usually isolated in the apartment with Levi.

Is she an extrovert? Does she like to go out on weekends to get drinks and shrug off the stress of the week instead of curl up at home and read a book or watch tv? Did they meet at a bar? Did he buy her a drink? Ask for her number?

"Did you meet Marie?"

Ah, so that's her name. And Levi hates it. Hates it because it's pretty and it rolls off the tongue easily and gently, not like _Levi,_ which is sharp and cuts deep. And he hates the fact that she has the pure audacity to be so beautiful. With freckles across her thighs and tanned skin and brown hair and brown eyes and soft edges. Not like him. Maybe that's why Erwin doesn't want him. He's too pale, has too big of bags under his eyes, can't sleep, is too full of hard jagged edges to be anything worth wanting.

"How'd you meet?"

"Classes. We were on a group project together."

He waits a few seconds before he asks, "You dating?", trying his best to keep the emotion out of his voice lest he makes Erwin upset.

"Not yet," Erwin sighs, "but I think I'm gonna ask her today. We're going out for dinner."

Levi sighs. Erwin seems happy. And Levi hates that. He hates it because he should enjoy the fact that Erwin is happy because Erwin deserves it, deserves everything, he's the best person on this planet and one of the only people Levi can truly say he...

Perhaps love is too strong a word for it. Perhaps love should be taken out with the rest of the trash on Monday morning because it doesn't belong here, because it's clear now that Erwin doesn't feel the same. That his love might be going elsewhere.

But he should've known that things never stay the same. He should've been used to the fact that everybody changes as they get older, and maybe Erwin is changing right now. Levi just wishes he could change with him.

Silence sets in and Levi wishes he had something on him to keep his hands busy, something he could use as a distraction so that Erwin would leave him alone. Wishes he had the courage to speak up, to voice his pleas of "don't do this" or "you're killing me", but instead he suffers in silence, and pays the price in lost moments and jumbled emotions.

"Well, Marie said she's cooking breakfast for us so...should be ready in about thirty minutes. If you want to join."

Levi hums, not making eye contact with Erwin as he looks out at the cars and people below and wishes he were anywhere but here.

Eventually, Erwin stands up and leaves with a quiet goodbye, and Levi continues to sit on the roof until his stomach grumbles and the sun is making him sweat. He'd rather be anywhere than in the apartment right now though.

So he sits and stews in his thought for a while and thinks about how Erwin is so oblivious and that this new situation is making him twist and turn on the inside and it's too late to tell Erwin how he feels and that this might be a sign that Erwin has decided he's straight. Maybe he's repulsed by Levi now and he would honestly take Erwin's hatred over whatever pretend likability they have going on now.

He sits until the sun starts going down and the rush hour traffic of five in the evening starts to appear and only then does he go back down to the apartment.

He notices how his shoes are the only ones left at the door when he steps inside. How 21 is ushering in the beginning of an end he never thought would come.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you enjoyed whatever this is. feel free to leave a comment or a kudos, they make my day :)


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